Hello again.

Something else on your mind? Keep it clean, keep it nice
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jfugina
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Hello again.

Post by jfugina »

Hi again. Yes, I'm still here. :-) Everyone is fine. Life is moving along at a pace that I can hardly comprehend, but other than that, we're all good. I know so many of you here have all been there, done that, seeing your kids to adulthood, and let me just tell you - ladies, I'm impressed. Y'all are my heroes. Sure, the baby and toddler years are stressful and wild, and some days you don't know how you'll ever get through them, but the middle years - good lord. I'm on the other side of Nicole's elementary and middle school years now, and looking backwards, I'm not entirely sure how Rob and I survived it. I will tell you we came out scarred. Even though we'll have to do it again with Jake, I honestly don't think it will be as horrific as these last 5 years have been. They just can't be.

To be honest, Rob has weathered it far better than I have. I've gained back nearly every pound I lost 7 years ago, most of it in the past 3 years; I'm desperately trying to kick a drinking habit that has defined my evening routine for the last two years; and I'm trying to figure out how I should manage my career without murdering the next idiot who crosses my path (and there are plenty of those to choose from, believe me). Work is a whole other story I'm not going to bother with here though. Instead, we've both kind of switched to "show up, work, go home" mode so we can focus on Nicole's next four years, and try not to ignore Jake too hard in the process.

I'm trying to find motivation and inspiration to get back to scrapbooking again. For a while now, I can't face my craft room because it needs to be tidied up before I can get much done. But I need to get my hands doing something besides holding a wine glass. And I've had enough Food Network shows that I could probably cook in my sleep. So it's time for a change. Hopefully this means you'll be seeing me around more frequently. Every time I'm away for a while, I miss everyone.

Thanks for listening! Hopefully I'll stick around for a little longer this time. :-)
Julie Fugina
#26 in the order of the PAO
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pamcook
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Re: Hello again.

Post by pamcook »

Welcome home. :happy94:
Pam Cook #48
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pat-czap
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Re: Hello again.

Post by pat-czap »

Life is rough at times, buckle up! Yeah, easier said than done.

Having raised 3 boys while moving too many times, and trying to keep up with their events...I was so happy when the oldest could drive! One less kid to drive to practice., etc.

My youngest son was the "interesting, challenging" kid. Even when he was involved with a 30 year old gal with 2 kids from 2 men, and he was only 21. Whew. We made it to the other side.

Just try to live in the moment, and be present for all that they have going on. One day yo'll look back and say those years went by way too fast.

Hang in there Julie, we are here for you. :happy94:
Pat from NW OHIO
Midwest, USA
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paddlegal
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Re: Hello again.

Post by paddlegal »

pat-czap wrote:Life is rough at times, buckle up! Yeah, easier said than done.

Having raised 3 boys while moving too many times, and trying to keep up with their events...I was so happy when the oldest could drive! One less kid to drive to practice., etc.

My youngest son was the "interesting, challenging" kid. Even when he was involved with a 30 year old gal with 2 kids from 2 men, and he was only 21. Whew. We made it to the other side.

Just try to live in the moment, and be present for all that they have going on. One day yo'll look back and say those years went by way too fast.

Hang in there Julie, we are here for you. :happy94:

Well said Pat.

Julie we are here for you and heaven knows there are plenty of scrapping challenges to light your fire. When you come home and think of reaching for that drink, grab a pretty, tall glass of cold water and go take one little section of your craft room and clean/sort/purge it. Just 10 minutes is a good distraction/reward and maybe even allow you to work on it a bit longer.

This is a good step coming back here. Stay with us. :happy94:
FARLEY in Sacramento
Tawanda

Re: Hello again.

Post by Tawanda »

About :censor: time you came back!
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jfugina
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Re: Hello again.

Post by jfugina »

Tawanda wrote:About :censor: time you came back!
LMAO! Yeah, I'll try not to stay away so long again. Heaven knows nobody wants Tawanda trying to catch a plane to St Louis to come whip me into shape!

And thanks for the encouragement ladies. I know you've been there, and I know that you all know the parenting struggles are real. We are trying hard to live in the moment. One thing I'm still extremely protective of, is our family vacations. But we're looking at calendars and realizing that even those days are quickly running out. We're thrilled that Nicole is loving Marching Band, but we recently cancelled our October trek to Disney, due to the competition schedule, and we started to realize that vacation opportunities during the school year are going to be a thing of the past. Rob and I have actually started talking to swimming pool contractors recently, in order to tempt the kids to hang out at home in the coming years, and use more of our vacation time for summer stay-cations. So we're doing our best to try to not let the time fly by leaving regrets that we didn't spend more time together while we could.

As far as grabbing that tall glass of water when I get home... well, I'm working on it. I don't love water, unless I'm hot and sweaty and actually thirsty. I am drinking a lot more water at work though (relatively speaking). I used to drink coffee all day, but it started to give me heartburn. At home, I'm trying to learn to love herbal teas, but iced down because hot tea when it's 105 out isn't gonna cut it.

OK - I guess that's enough for now. As I write this, I'm sitting in the Orthodontist's office (got two of them coming here, now), and I'm waiting for that to finish up so I can swing by and grab my carpool kid and get them to band camp, then head to work. Days like this have me exhausted before they even begin. But I think all I've got on tap at work is watching a bunch of training videos, so that won't be too terrible.
Julie Fugina
#26 in the order of the PAO
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nancine
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Re: Hello again.

Post by nancine »

Welcome back, yes raising kids can be trying at times!

Farley had a good idea, tackle one area at a time. Give yourself a 15 minute window and you might even work longer once you see results! Isn't that something the Fly Lady suggests? I have a friend who keeps telling me the same thing for years... can't make anything because my rooms a mess, I have to move things, on & on. Don't end up like that! Rough as it sounds you just have to start or nothing will change.

I think the more you drink water the better you like it. Keep it up! Maybe some fruit infused water? They have pitchers and bottles for that. I used to not drink water so much and now it's all I usually drink except maybe some ice tea. In order to try and lose some weight I've told myself that I only get to drink on the weekend. My beer with dinner on Friday night has become a special treat!

My sister got a pool when her kids were about your kids ages and let me tell you now that the kids are grown they are all still enjoying it!
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jfugina
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Re: Hello again.

Post by jfugina »

Thanks Nancy! About the pool - we really wondered whether we were past the "point of no return", because it's really so late already and so much of their childhood is already passed. But Jake still has 8 more summers at home, and maybe when Nicole is finished with whatever education she's going to pursue, she'll stay close enough to home to want to come visit during the summers. We keep thinking "if you build it, they will come <back>". LOL.

On a related note about raising teens and pre-teens: for those of you who've been there, at what age were you comfortable letting your teenager ride with other teenage drivers? I'm sure it sounds totally silly to some, but Rob and I are really struggling with just letting go and giving Nicole the green light to get a ride with whoever offers. Just yesterday, as an example, she was invited by a Senior to join a group of them at a pizza place for dinner immediately following band camp. The senior offered transportation for everyone (she drives a minivan) to the pizza place and home after. And Rob and I decided, not knowing any of the kids that were going, that she could join them for dinner, but that we'd provide her transportation ourselves. It was actually a bit awkward, because the minivan followed us the whole way from the school to the pizza place. I spoke with the driver at the school, and was all "Hi, nice to meet you! I'm sure you're super cool and a great driver and all that, but we haven't met everyone yet, and aren't quite prepared to let her ride with other teens who we don't know that well." And the girl was all "hey - I get it. It's totally cool - my parents were the same way with me".

But at some point, we have to let go, or we're going to make a second career out of being Nicole's stalker, always there to provide redundant transportation due to our unwillingness to trust any random person with a drivers license. Anyone have any words of advice? The last thing I want to do is cause Nicole's potential social life to fall apart because people quit asking her to go places, knowing she can't ride with them. I hope to get to know some of these kids, and some of their parents, over the next few weeks (football games, etc). But I just wonder how you veterans handled it.
Julie Fugina
#26 in the order of the PAO
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paddlegal
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Re: Hello again.

Post by paddlegal »

Julie I went through the same thing with Charley when he started HS and was also in marching band. I first did the driving and picking up after rehearsals like you did. I was fairly involved with the MB with other parents and once I got better acquainted with both parents and their driving age kids I eased up on who could drive him and also who could not.

One thing that became helpful, though we didn't start this until Charley got his own license as a senior, was to get the phone app "Find my Friends" for iPhone as well as "Life 360" for both types of phones. You are able to stalk...er...see where they are at all times via their cell phone. It helped to ease our worries about his being out late-ish with friends but also on MB competition days when they traveled far from home and wouldn't get back until 1am. I would be able to see when the bus was near home and be ready to drive over to get him.

The pool is a great idea. We don't have one but from school days, HS days, college days and now even through law school days (Charley lives at home) he still invites his friends over for a gaming party or whatever and they all enjoy being at our house. I feed them well. We've always known his friends and vice versa and it's great being able to enjoy this part of Charley's adult life. It will end soon we know but for now we thoroughly enjoy it...all three of us.
FARLEY in Sacramento
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pbp908
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Re: Hello again.

Post by pbp908 »

I was actively involved with Chris' marching band from the first day as a volunteer. (They always need volunteers.) George and I both worked in almost every aspect of the band except directing. :lol: We loaded and unloaded equipment, ironed uniforms, set up props, ran the sound system, worked in the concession stand, organized the annual competition that our band sponsored, did all of the camera work from sitting on top of the announcers' booth filming to on the field photographing. We both served for 4 yrs on the Booster Board and even pulled one of the equipment trailers to competitions - from one side of NC to the other (beach to mountains), from SC to Maryland to Pennsylvania. Looking back it was as much fun as all of those horse shows, lessons and riding clinics we went to with Jim - including Horse Bowl competitions (I was the coach). We spent so much time with those kids that they called me Mom Phillips. They still do. :)

Cherish the time with them.

As far as letting them ride with other teen drivers, they both pretty much grew up with their friends. I guess that's an advantage to living in a small city. The more you get to know the band parents and the kids, the more you'll trust them. You learn which kids are trouble, but band geeks are probably some of the best kids in school. Can they get into trouble? Some of them, yes. But overall they're really good solid down to earth kids. The discipline of MB tends to do that for them. Just stress that she's to always wear a seat belt, even sitting in the back seat. And if she feels uncomfortable at any time, have an SOS code for her to use if she needs you to bail her out of a situation. Personally, I was relieved when Chris started driving - he had MB camp for two weeks in the summer, and then after school practice 3 afternoons a week until 6:00. Then Friday night football games and Saturday competitions with practice beforehand. There were times when I just couldn't get to school to pick him up because I was out of town or his dad was at the plant. Having the option for him to find a ride was wonderful. And there were many times we gave other kids a ride home.

Something you might want to consider - we had an annual party for the entire band at our house. (Yes, I fed 125+ hungry band kids.) You really learn a lot about them that way. And take your camera into the bleachers with you at ball games. They love to have their photos taken and that always starts a conversation.

Have fun and relax a little. This is a rite of passage for both of you!
Pam P.
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paddlegal
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Re: Hello again.

Post by paddlegal »

Pam I agree, those marching band days were the best. We got to enjoy it from HS through college, rarely missing a competition or a game. I miss that time but have TONS of photographs to remember it all by.


Enjoy it Julie.
FARLEY in Sacramento
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jfugina
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Re: Hello again.

Post by jfugina »

Pam and Farley - THANK YOU! You're kind of NAILING everything that Rob and I were both thinking and hoping for. He and I were both band geeks, but we also grew up in more of a "small town" environment. I mean, every kid in my 3- and 4-yo preschool photo were also in my senior class photo. All the parents knew all the kids and the other parents and grandparents. But that's just not true where we live now.

As far as involvement, Rob and I have been "all in" since the very first memo that came home about MB in 8th grade. Nicole has been to every single rehearsal they've had over the summer (weekly music rehearsals started the second week of summer), and Rob and I have attended every booster meeting they've had since May, and we've already volunteered for several committees. We've also been vocal at the meetings when they've started their soapbox about how desperately they need volunteers for this that and the other thing. They spent a solid 15 minutes talking about how desperate they are for help, and how it's great to become part of "the family", without providing any details about the actual needs and opportunities. At one point, Rob raised his hand and said "I'm HERE! I'm ALL IN - you have to know you're preaching to the choir here. Those of us who came to this meeting are here because we want to help, but you have to tell us how. And, how about putting this info on the website where those who AREN'T here can find out about it?" Of course, we've made no traction along those lines, but we tried.

They have this fancy web software that they invested in for this very thing, and they're always saying "all of the info is in Charms", but they don't actually use it, which chaps our asses. So, since the volunteer coordinator refuses to post the volunteer needs in the volunteer section of the software, Rob and I split up after the last booster meeting and went and found all of the committee heads for all of the things we wanted to volunteer for. Rob is down to pull the smaller equipment trailer to competitions, and cook for the kids at competitions. I've volunteered for the booster craft fair (the largest money earning event they have), and we've both volunteered to be on the invitational committee. Rob also signed up to chaperone the car wash this weekend. And I'm determined to step up as volunteer coordinator as soon as the current one's kid graduates.

So yeah, we're all in. We expect these people (kids and parents) to be "our peeps" for the next 4, possibly 8 years. But for now, Nicole is just going to have to learn to live with us providing her transportation until we get to know some of these kids. Maybe that will provide incentive for her make sure we're introduced. ;-)
Julie Fugina
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troublesmom
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Re: Hello again.

Post by troublesmom »

What they all said I totally agree on. It is very good to have you back. I know there are so many things we go through raising our children and we do the best we can. No guarantees about the problems that may pop up but we do it the best we can.
Cheryl
Myrtle Beach
#59 in order PAO
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